It was a pretty good one i must say. Quite some time since i last talked to her like this. Or rather, never talked to her like this before.
She asked me why did I choose to join back SYF? Well, something in me stopped me from telling her the truth. Maybe, I was just too tired to even explain myself. But, sometimes I do wonder to myself, why do I choose to take part in SYF again this year? My excuse to her was, I am not a person who can study straight. I need something for me to do other than study, if not, I'll go crazy.
But, on deeper thoughts, I chose to join back for many reasons, some are pretty dark ones in fact.
a) I don't want to write anything related to 2009 in my SGC, I can't help but feel that people will not have good impressions of retainees, especially if I am a university interviewer.
b) Music is my life, I really enjoy each time i stand on stage and each practice session. In 2009, SYF was all about trying to attain that Gold With Honours. This time round, i learnt to relax and enjoy as much as I can. Some ppl do ask why do I look as though i don't feel like taking part in the competition and too slack, I'd say, it's not that I am not worried, but the fact is that, I don't want CO to be a burden, AGAIN. I want it to be my passion, not worry. There is no doubt that I'l feel worried at our standards at some point in time but I just don't want it to be like how it was like 2 years ago. Every competition is a success if you have put in your utmost effort and enjoy the process and not if you have attain the highest honour. Yes, people will disagree with this but to me, it's no longer about the GWH, it's how we achieve it.
Deanna was right to scold me last year, I am a competitive person trying to achieve the best of everything, but it is not how it works. Sometimes, putting down the competitive nature and subsume to other people's leadership may be the better solution. Sometimes, being competitive makes one arrogant and stubborn, and a power hunger person, so I guess after that incident, I have really learnt to put aside my arrogance.
Well, putting the emo parts aside, some parts of our convos are really interesting and funny. Like how i ask her about her 绯闻男友. Really Hilarious! And I am definitely not the only one who asked her about it. Halfway through, a couple came and sat beside us and she went:"can we not talk about this topic, cos there are ears around you know?".
Vivian came and disturb us along the way, or rather, disturb her. She made several attempts to scare her by whispering into her ears out of sudden from behind. Amazingly, she got scared EVERYTIME. It was really funny to see how she gets shocked by Vivian's repeated antics.
She mentioned that she told me I am not guai because at that point in time when i asked her, she just know my results for Block Test. Honestly, I dont even know what's my block test results!
Told her that I feel really tired nowadays and kept emphasizing on the fact that it has nothing to do with CO because I just joined back CO last week. She say she hope she won't see me next year, AGAIN, emphasizing how taking 4 years to complete A lvls is just, shameful.
Then, we got carried away on the topic of staying too long in NYJC makes one feel really sian. We both agreed that NYJC is a good place; homely, nice people, nice environment, but after being here for too long, it makes you feel very tired of many things. It's like reaching the saturation point where everything becomes a boring yet exhausting routine after that. She said maybe she should consider leaving NYJC soon while i said that I hope i can leave this place soon.
Oh and we were talking about Facebook, how i can see photos that she upload from her iPhone. And she was telling me the reasons why she considering to accept her 1120 students on FB. Her pros are concerns that are relatively acceptable but i was more for against. I gave her an alternative by asking to create another FB but she said that would be too troublesome and the students will realized she has two accounts? So she's still considering now.
Next, a part that i kinda liked. We talked about how V is a shadow and image of me back in 2009; high, crazy, love to take unglam shots of her. Thinking back, i was really very different, all the crazy spamming photos of people in class and CCA, jumping at people to scare them, talking in a very high manner to my teachers. She told me she really hoped V wouldn't follow in my footsteps and asked me to 开导 her to really study and not play her way through. Had a flashback of my J1 year. Ms Lim giving her time to me by asking her to see her for consultation every week, asking if she was that scary cos i was the fourth student she met that cried in one term; Mr Peh's constant shaking head at me and comparing me with wanyu, how miss yap felt that our SYF choice piece is lame cos the mouse is so dumb; all the funny antics of Mr ng during literature class, how chinese lesson was never a pressurizing one but instead, a very relaxing one.
Our tea session lasted for about 1 and half hours and I must say, I felt really glad to be able to sit there and talked to her for so long, about so many different things. It brought back many memories of my life in NYJC and i really liked it alot. I almost had this 冲动 to tell her: "can you don't look at my upcoming MYE results, i promise you that I'll let you see it myself". I really wanna show her good results to fulfil my promise i made to her last year and I know this will really give me the motivation to study.
All in all, i loved this afternoon's tea with her. Feeling of warmth and love. :)
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