im pretty lazy tonight so not gonna put emphasis into proper sentences and paragraphs. please bear with the long paragraphs and weird sentences k.
11.11.11 11.11
Math paper 2 today.
Honestly, i wasn't very happy with myself but you know what, i would say today's one of the most eventful day in my life.
reached school at bout 730am. while looking for pau, junkai came to me and he was perspiring like mad. Apparently he forgot to bring his math set and ms liang wasn't in school yet. so called mrs tan and went to look for her to get a compass. toilet and ispace after that.
when i sat down at my seat, i realized i didn't have a protractor! panic attack seriously. ran out to the staffroom and it was damn scary cos i saw nobody (except one student) there when i really needed help! called mrs tan again but she didnt pick up and its panic attack x2. after awhile, i saw mr seng heading to the staffroom and so i asked him to helped me borrow a protractor from any math teacher. he came running out afterwards and told me to return it to ms liang. i was like, relief plus alittle chill. oh and i was less panicky knowing that the protractor was from ms liang. you know, sometimes, you just feel more confident knowing that you're holding an item that represents the hopes and expectations of the owner. it's a really weird feeling and idk how to describe it but i just had this sense of security when i got it. ran back and i was perspiring too! omg. 7.55am alr. luckily made it in time. but i must say the panic attack affected my process of doing the first 2 qns cos i took about half 40 mins for it which was bad.
Anw, finished the paper but it wasn't that good la. went to the tables outside the staffroom supposedly to wait for mrs teo but she forgot about my consultation.... seriously =.= am i that hard to remb? change consultation timings 3 times alr! anw, sat in with wip, ada and shumin for about 40mins before she went through my essay with me. Idk what came to me but i totally burst out crying! and it's not just the normal tear abit only. embarrassed to the max! I just feel that i've been under mrs teo for 3 years alr but why tell me my most major problems now, 2 days before the exam? like i can do anything significant to change it like that. and she tried to force me to think hard but i couldn't. in the end, she joke saying that im a emotional person so i should do those marriage and love poetry comparison. well, i hope it comes out...
okay, then it was 1245. supposed to see ms vector at 1. so went down meet wip awhile. she gave me a hug and everything then went back up. while waiting for ms V, mr ducro came out with his coffee. haha funny scene to see. anw, he was supposed to have some interview la. had a really random chat. i think he could tell from my teary eyes and he asked if something is wrong. insisted no but he kept staring man! till i said:" can you stop staring at me?". but he continued staring. =.= anw, talked bout GP and he was alittle shocked when i told him i did the architecture and art qn. but was abit surprised when i told him one of my points. then he said i should be fine why say no good. Well, i know the essay was average but just NOT FANTASTIC. And i couldnt find a essay qn that is an A essay. And he said I am an ass. =.= he kept questioning me how do you define an A essay? what makes me so sure my essay won't be an A essay? And he started going into how he thinks he is very sure I'll do well for As but my problem is my mental state. Lack of confidence and i should not keep thinking im not good. And so, after saying that he was about to go alr and suay suay, one drop of tear rolled down my cheek. paiseh man. i think its cos i was affected by mrs teo alr so naturally i'll be v easily affected after that. but i think what he said was right.
then waited for ms V and she came at bout 130pm. started pouring and the rain kept coming in (as usual). moved to the tables at the consultation board. and obviously, i don't think anyone wouldnt notice, she asked me what's wrong. blatantly said just stress la nothing much. and she started gg on with all her prep talk and everything. then it started again, like duh right. I mean not like i was v stable alr and all this prep talk really made me stress even more. she kept telling me how it's okay and everything. okay, so we sort of began and i was okay alr. Really focussed during the consult on Wide sargasso sea. then towards the end, at bout 215pm, she started all the stuff about how i can do it, the next 48hours is gonna be crucial etc. and DUH, the same thing la. OMG, i don't understand why am i so easily affected today. okay, so she ended up by lending me her book (available only in US) for prepration and she left.
then at the start of her consult, i sorta whatsapp ms liang ask her if she's free to talk to me later not. Why her? actually, idk. It's just like asking whose the person you will think of when you're damn sad/emo and will want to talk to. for me, when im damn emo or sad, i'll think of someone whom i know will not tell anybody what happened and will not be a passive listener. i always feel that i rather have someone who can talk to me than listen to me. Plus, cos she's really cheerful most of the time we see her in sch ( outside sch another story). haha.
So she came while i was reading twitter and she saw my eyes and went like, oh... eh what happened? then she gave this FREAKING BRIGHT SMILE. like what the right.... people here crying then she smile until like that. =.= totally can't help it but ask her why she smile until so bright. anw that's not the point. the point is, we started talking about alot of things. and the main point was, over means over already must look forward and don't need so stress. okay, actually i think she told me ALOT of things about life and some about her life. it's really too much and too sensitive to post here alr. BUT. the main thing is, i felt super x 100 better after talking to her. You know, it's just that feeling of being comforted despite all the disappointments and stress. At least i know that after we leave that table, what happened will be safe with her. She raised a very important point which i was kinda guilty. She asked me that if i were to follow her instructions do 2 papers a week then the day before don't do anymore qns but more of consolidation, if i don't follow, isn't it like a matter of trust. If i trust her, i should follow suit all the way. but yknow, i just can't help but to do cos im really very insecure. whatever it is, i really learnt alot from her today. and i must say, that few years actually do make some differences in some way. totally teared all through the whole 45mins with some minor outburst here and there. oh and i kept drinking water cos you know when you cry, you feel super dehydrated? i finished my water and she was like " dont cry alr la, no more water alr!". funny ttm! at the end, had a little hug from her. hehe.
okay back to the point, sam came and we started crapping with her. shall not reveal here *sensitive issues*. at the end, i realized she stayed back for me. I really so touched can. i think that 45 mins of tearing, it's not really cos im emo or sad anymore, it's kinda involuntary, like once you start will take time to stop you know. plus, some things she told me really make me think of the whole year. it's been sucha long journey all the way and i can't help but to think to myself, im really glad i had ms liang as my math tutor. What zihui told me, i'll tell it to my juniors in future. really. i really feel touched thinking about what the things she had done for us and with us the past few months. although it was always in the joking manner, some things are not meant to be said but felt by the heart. (;
anw, wanna thanks sam and wip for giving me those hugs and words of comfort. and pauline teo ah, for talking on the phone with me! hahaha hilarious ttvm! sometimes i think my classmates are just too great to be true alr. esp pau, everything something happens, she'll text or call me jsut to check if im alright.. Im so glad to have her as a friend. thanks PAUline teo. Love you ttm! (:
okay to end off, i really wanna say thanks to ms liang la. you know what i mean. without you, i probably wouldn't have made it this far. no matter what grade it's gonna be, like what you say, try you best and don't regret. Honestly, i think i've tried pretty much to the best of my ability alr and no matter what disppointments it may be, at least, the process was good. (okay at this point in time, tears are welling up again) i don't know what to say but i am just really glad for everything that have happened. Gan dong x 100. thankyou.
11.11.11 11.11
Math paper 2 today.
Honestly, i wasn't very happy with myself but you know what, i would say today's one of the most eventful day in my life.
reached school at bout 730am. while looking for pau, junkai came to me and he was perspiring like mad. Apparently he forgot to bring his math set and ms liang wasn't in school yet. so called mrs tan and went to look for her to get a compass. toilet and ispace after that.
when i sat down at my seat, i realized i didn't have a protractor! panic attack seriously. ran out to the staffroom and it was damn scary cos i saw nobody (except one student) there when i really needed help! called mrs tan again but she didnt pick up and its panic attack x2. after awhile, i saw mr seng heading to the staffroom and so i asked him to helped me borrow a protractor from any math teacher. he came running out afterwards and told me to return it to ms liang. i was like, relief plus alittle chill. oh and i was less panicky knowing that the protractor was from ms liang. you know, sometimes, you just feel more confident knowing that you're holding an item that represents the hopes and expectations of the owner. it's a really weird feeling and idk how to describe it but i just had this sense of security when i got it. ran back and i was perspiring too! omg. 7.55am alr. luckily made it in time. but i must say the panic attack affected my process of doing the first 2 qns cos i took about half 40 mins for it which was bad.
Anw, finished the paper but it wasn't that good la. went to the tables outside the staffroom supposedly to wait for mrs teo but she forgot about my consultation.... seriously =.= am i that hard to remb? change consultation timings 3 times alr! anw, sat in with wip, ada and shumin for about 40mins before she went through my essay with me. Idk what came to me but i totally burst out crying! and it's not just the normal tear abit only. embarrassed to the max! I just feel that i've been under mrs teo for 3 years alr but why tell me my most major problems now, 2 days before the exam? like i can do anything significant to change it like that. and she tried to force me to think hard but i couldn't. in the end, she joke saying that im a emotional person so i should do those marriage and love poetry comparison. well, i hope it comes out...
okay, then it was 1245. supposed to see ms vector at 1. so went down meet wip awhile. she gave me a hug and everything then went back up. while waiting for ms V, mr ducro came out with his coffee. haha funny scene to see. anw, he was supposed to have some interview la. had a really random chat. i think he could tell from my teary eyes and he asked if something is wrong. insisted no but he kept staring man! till i said:" can you stop staring at me?". but he continued staring. =.= anw, talked bout GP and he was alittle shocked when i told him i did the architecture and art qn. but was abit surprised when i told him one of my points. then he said i should be fine why say no good. Well, i know the essay was average but just NOT FANTASTIC. And i couldnt find a essay qn that is an A essay. And he said I am an ass. =.= he kept questioning me how do you define an A essay? what makes me so sure my essay won't be an A essay? And he started going into how he thinks he is very sure I'll do well for As but my problem is my mental state. Lack of confidence and i should not keep thinking im not good. And so, after saying that he was about to go alr and suay suay, one drop of tear rolled down my cheek. paiseh man. i think its cos i was affected by mrs teo alr so naturally i'll be v easily affected after that. but i think what he said was right.
then waited for ms V and she came at bout 130pm. started pouring and the rain kept coming in (as usual). moved to the tables at the consultation board. and obviously, i don't think anyone wouldnt notice, she asked me what's wrong. blatantly said just stress la nothing much. and she started gg on with all her prep talk and everything. then it started again, like duh right. I mean not like i was v stable alr and all this prep talk really made me stress even more. she kept telling me how it's okay and everything. okay, so we sort of began and i was okay alr. Really focussed during the consult on Wide sargasso sea. then towards the end, at bout 215pm, she started all the stuff about how i can do it, the next 48hours is gonna be crucial etc. and DUH, the same thing la. OMG, i don't understand why am i so easily affected today. okay, so she ended up by lending me her book (available only in US) for prepration and she left.
then at the start of her consult, i sorta whatsapp ms liang ask her if she's free to talk to me later not. Why her? actually, idk. It's just like asking whose the person you will think of when you're damn sad/emo and will want to talk to. for me, when im damn emo or sad, i'll think of someone whom i know will not tell anybody what happened and will not be a passive listener. i always feel that i rather have someone who can talk to me than listen to me. Plus, cos she's really cheerful most of the time we see her in sch ( outside sch another story). haha.
So she came while i was reading twitter and she saw my eyes and went like, oh... eh what happened? then she gave this FREAKING BRIGHT SMILE. like what the right.... people here crying then she smile until like that. =.= totally can't help it but ask her why she smile until so bright. anw that's not the point. the point is, we started talking about alot of things. and the main point was, over means over already must look forward and don't need so stress. okay, actually i think she told me ALOT of things about life and some about her life. it's really too much and too sensitive to post here alr. BUT. the main thing is, i felt super x 100 better after talking to her. You know, it's just that feeling of being comforted despite all the disappointments and stress. At least i know that after we leave that table, what happened will be safe with her. She raised a very important point which i was kinda guilty. She asked me that if i were to follow her instructions do 2 papers a week then the day before don't do anymore qns but more of consolidation, if i don't follow, isn't it like a matter of trust. If i trust her, i should follow suit all the way. but yknow, i just can't help but to do cos im really very insecure. whatever it is, i really learnt alot from her today. and i must say, that few years actually do make some differences in some way. totally teared all through the whole 45mins with some minor outburst here and there. oh and i kept drinking water cos you know when you cry, you feel super dehydrated? i finished my water and she was like " dont cry alr la, no more water alr!". funny ttm! at the end, had a little hug from her. hehe.
okay back to the point, sam came and we started crapping with her. shall not reveal here *sensitive issues*. at the end, i realized she stayed back for me. I really so touched can. i think that 45 mins of tearing, it's not really cos im emo or sad anymore, it's kinda involuntary, like once you start will take time to stop you know. plus, some things she told me really make me think of the whole year. it's been sucha long journey all the way and i can't help but to think to myself, im really glad i had ms liang as my math tutor. What zihui told me, i'll tell it to my juniors in future. really. i really feel touched thinking about what the things she had done for us and with us the past few months. although it was always in the joking manner, some things are not meant to be said but felt by the heart. (;
anw, wanna thanks sam and wip for giving me those hugs and words of comfort. and pauline teo ah, for talking on the phone with me! hahaha hilarious ttvm! sometimes i think my classmates are just too great to be true alr. esp pau, everything something happens, she'll text or call me jsut to check if im alright.. Im so glad to have her as a friend. thanks PAUline teo. Love you ttm! (:
okay to end off, i really wanna say thanks to ms liang la. you know what i mean. without you, i probably wouldn't have made it this far. no matter what grade it's gonna be, like what you say, try you best and don't regret. Honestly, i think i've tried pretty much to the best of my ability alr and no matter what disppointments it may be, at least, the process was good. (okay at this point in time, tears are welling up again) i don't know what to say but i am just really glad for everything that have happened. Gan dong x 100. thankyou.
tomorrow, let's start over again. try your best and don't regret. I can do it.
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