Ms Yanggggggg

Last day of April...

Just before we step into may, some incidents happened today.. Shall not elaborate too much. but can just say, everything's accumulative. Broke down probably because of the stress from Jeanette's leaving, rushing for NYCO's concert and the fact that reality is just like this: people assume you know everything and not everyone's just as cooperative as you thought it will be like.

Morning was still alright though I would have hoped that I'm actually being more updated about the assistance I am required to give. Interview was pretty slack though there were 2 on-going concurrently. Lunch was probably the only time I felt safe within me. Thought all the emo-times were just part and parcel of school life; didn't expect that working could actually arouse such feelings again. Had this urge to just escape. Didn't want lunch break to end: didn't want to go back after a meal at the market, didn't want to go back and nap despite all the tiredness I've been complaining all morning - I just wanted to sit there in the canteen. Sounds familiar like how I wished I could sit in one corner of NYJC and just do my own things huh?

Chat with ms yang was good I must say; she made me felt comfortable above everything else. She's one person  I wouldn't be able to survive with in the office. Kinda touched alittle about life cos I was being emo as usual. So, life is just about studying for 12 years, earning a degree to get a job, getting back to studying at higher levels just to get higher jobs and we just die after that. Pretty sad isn't it? When we were younger, we dream, we soar for greater heights. As we grow, all dreams vanish and what's left of it is just a plain cycle. I used to believe I wanna be a lawyer or an actress and a part-time wedding photographer when I grow up. But recently when Alvis asked me to tell him about my dream, I had nothing in mind. Maybe, just maybe, I might find the courage to pursue my own dreams one day.

Chatting about random facts and matters about life amuses me. Because many people live a life, but little question the meaning of living. Perhaps, being a (forced) literature student made me into a person who questions about about our existence, about my existence. But despite everything, I simply love chatting with ms yang because I have nothing to tie me down when we talk.

Honestly, I've learnt so much more in life than in school from her. Afterall, we live not just to study, right? She showed me the smallest fact that the term "young at heart" actually exists, and that age and background doesn't matter in the pursuit of friendship. I used to believe people who said all this were just living in their own fairytale, but no, it exists, it really does. And at least, she has an idea of what she wanna do in life. Giving herself one year before deciding on further embarkments, I can just say, I am pretty much a loser cos I have no idea what I wanna do in life now. And one thing I will have to learn from her is that going out alone is not a bad thing all in all. In terms of educational background, I have never had friends who have differing educational status as me. And i can firmly say that ms yanggg makes a better friend (and colleague) than many of my other friends who claim themselves to be more superior because they are "smarter" in terms of singapore's educational system. Perhaps, express students are just too snobbish afterall, no doubt about that. Everyone's just too judgemental.

Well, I would have say I was pretty emotional since I nearly cried at the interview centre and whenever J come over to me and ask if I am okay. I tried my best to cover my unstable emotions (which I am well aware of), I refrained from talking whenever possible and I tried not to do anything else except clearing emails. I attempted to not think of anything and not to look anyone in the eye. I just wanted to be anti-social and alone for the remaining afternoon.

I would have continued sitting there trying with all my abilities to finish any work left undone if not for ms yang who asked if I wanted to leave. I thought if I were to continue sitting there, I'll probably get some form of depression by the time i left the place... so... I relented to leaving at 630pm.

Anti-social mode was kinda still on when I left but I can tell you, hanging out with ms yanggg switches off everything. Maybe there is just something in her that makes me smile everytime i talk to her. And the fact that she's pretty funny doesn't helps at all. I would say I felt much much much much (aiya you get the point) better when I talked to her. even for that short 20 mins? Aiya, I really don't know how to explain that feeling la... ( eh don't think wrongly. not ai mei feeling) it's just very nice and calming to talk to her.. Feel really relaxed after that. She's just the one and only person who saw/know of my 'evil' side: my attitude ( yes I have a bad attitude, just that usually i just ignore all negativities), my temper and how i can bear grudges and complains for a long time.

I admit I have a damn bad temper; try annoying me and I'll give you the most idiotic attitude back. I have no qualms on scolding people (for those who know me very well) but in recent years, i relented to being more sunshine. Kinda figured out life's too short to be forever angsty and decided to just stay happy-go-lucky most of the time. BUT, i do have spikes once in a while and I guess that's pretty normal, since I am human too. I can bear grudges for a long time but i usually forget after a while too. So... sorry to those who I have bear some grudge against.

Received a call from M while waiting for parents at bedok. It's quite obvious what she was gonna ask when I saw her name on my phone. And so yes, I was feeling very much better than in the office alr so I had a usual chatty convo with her ( with me disturbing her most of the time). I just didn't want her to get worried. Feel kinda bad that I indirectly implied that she's the least important exec there but she herself agreed to the point cos she is BLUR, no doubts about that. She's just another person I can tell almost everything to (i have some reservations still though), and I always like to complain to her. haha. but yes, It was not too bad talking to her and it was really nice of her to call and check on me. Blur as she is, but she's really nice.

I was really thankful to have Alvis on whatsapp with me. With my dearests all busy and abroad, I couldn't have complain to any one of them when I exploded. How I wish my babe sam could be whatsapping me but she's in taiwan. And there's qin ai de yiusi who's having exams. But luckily, there was someone outside office I could still 'talk' to. He really read all my angsty messages and reply them promptly ( even more prompt than my messages) and gave me alot of consolations. Thankyou Alvis. =D

Lastly, I really really wanna say thanks to ms yanggggg. All these times in the office, I couldn't survive without you ( talking to you, joking and disturbing you, playing with the soft toys available, having lunch and the list goes on and on). I was just thinking if i should stay till end june instead of my planned end may and you were just partially right. I am considering to stay for malini yes, but not just her, but because I know I'll always have good company in the office with you around. Sorry for all the times I distracted you from work and yes you can always intro your NSF to me. =D