A Letter

okay just want to blog another post before i go to sleep....

Last few days, i received quite many texts/whatsapps and FB msg. which made me realized that my life no longer revolves around just around school and studying. I thought and kinda submitted to the life of going to school, lessons, exams, consultations, home, tuition, eat and sleep. But actually not and honestly, im alittle sick of meeting people and repeating myself over and over again... I have lots of things in my mind but i don't think i can actually say it out. Usual qn goes like this

Person: So, you got boyfriend anot? OR hmmm, whose that someone you meeting/always blog about ah??

ME: no la, im not attached. Or actually, yes, im attached to mr econs, mr math, mr lit, mr gp, mr chem. Don't know who to choose...

Person: =.=

ME: I'll let you know who won my love k?

Person: =.=

this was meant to be a joke when a few people started asking me earlier this year. But I've been repeating this over and over again that i don't find it funny anymore and im kinda tired of saying the same thing. FYI, im not attached so to all my friends out there, please don't ask me the same qn when we meet or ask me on whatsapp/sms. Oh yes, and right now, I've got no suitors also so don't ask me if got any guys asking me out not. The answer is NO. =.= Currently, my life is friends + school. That's all. It's not dull and i think i prefer this lifestyle to any one with love/ relationships involved as of now.

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Okay, so we are on the topic of relationship now. So I kinda have a dear friend whose out of love and can't really seem to get over it or to put it nicer, haven really fully recover and mended a broken heart.

First, as a outsider who has entirely no idea of what happened, I actually gave my moral support by giving words of consolation.

After I got to know the details, i attempted to give some love and warmth as a friend.

Now, I think i'll say this. You are walking in circles when you thought and want to walk straight. You find that you can't seem to get over this. And so, you have many drafts and that box in your cupboard. But, the past is the past... what's done is done, what's gone is gone. What's the point of keeping that box there? Im actually glad that you deleted all the drafts and actually felt better. Which simply shows that by keeping, it's hurting you more than it's healing you.

I have much less experience, or actually no experience at all so i don't think im in any position to say anything but if I could say something right now and it actually means something to you, i would say, take the box and make it disappear forever. Before that, i said i know and hope there'll be a day where you can throw away that box without hesitation. Now, I would say, you Should get rid of it because i know you're finding it hard to get over it and that box is actually one of the factor. You know, by keeping the box, you're like attempting to keep the things that remind you of that person and if you say you want to have a time-out of your emotions such that you don't want to think of all those things (not ever again), then what does keeping it means? (I don't know if this is really the case but Im getting this feeling.)

Well, I didn't forced you to neither did I try to the other day, but come to think of it now, i think the box will always be blocking the exit of that circle you're in. Partially why i kinda insisted that you should delete all the drafts and well, you did. To me, I try and will not force but instead, just let you know what I think. This post is pretty harsh i know and I don't know if this post will hurt you or actually offend in some ways, but all i can say is that, I care as a friend and that is why Im writing this post here. Whichever way you take this post to be, if this could actually help you, then this risk was well-taken. If not, then..... I wouldn't know what would happen.

It was hard to tell you about this, which was why when you asked me to say, i kinda decided to leave it. I don't know how difficult it is to forget a person, forget the memories and the pain the person had engraved on you but no matter what, happiness comes after many different experiences. I don't know if you're getting what I mean and I don't know if what i mentioned in this post actually make any sense at all but whatever it is, the last thing i can say is, you have to find that exit and walk out of it yourself; leaving behind everything and everyone single pain, heartbreak, regret and sadness can only be done by yourself. You have to search and break through every barrier, even if it is in the dark and only when you finally walk out of this circle, back onto the main path, can you ever be truly happy again.

Facing reality AND understanding reality is the way to be happy. It is this, that enables you to understand yourself better and makes you a stronger person.

With much love, i end off here. I don't know what your reaction will be after this but if it did hurt you in any way, I'm really sorry, I just wanted you to get through this.....

13/7/11. 1.55am Alina