Tuesday, May 29, 2012
Canon 600D
Dad bought me a DSLR yesterday. I must say it was kinda like a dream come true? I mean, I have been wanting a DSLR for the longest time. Thought I'd be really excited but no I wasn't. Was just happy and that's all. But still, I'm thankful for my parents who always get things I want for me. Even though the wait is long. Time for some photography from now onwards! =D
Saturday, May 19, 2012
Flowers
Have you ever wondered why girls like flowers? And why do guys not like to give flowers? Tonight, I asked around my friends the 2 questions and had some very good insights. BUT, I couldn't come to a conclusion and didn't exactly get any satisfying answer.
The latter may be an easier question to answer: Guys find flowers impractical and a waste of money because flowers can only last for a few days. Yes, flowers are indeed short-lived and they have no use at all. Guys would say that they'd rather spend the money on something more useful than flowers such as bags and food. But, I kept questioning if this stereotypical type of thinking is actually a valid reason and came to realize that it is very much, an excuse. No one said the flowers have to be real flowers. Fake flowers can be a very pleasant surprise to girls as well. AND, it can last for a very very long time. Then, have you thought of something more creative like... folding paper flowers? I remember receiving a box of paper flowers during Valentine's Day and it can be very satisfying as well. So... how is claiming the impracticality of flowers a valid reason for the unwillingness to purchase flowers for girls?
This leads to the former where we question why do majority of females like flowers? I must say that after asking for quite alot of opinions tonight, I didn't get an answer that convinced me. Laura said because giving flowers is a very sweet gesture. Well... I guess the pretty appearance of flowers make them look sweet? But How is getting a bag not as sweet as getting a flower? Pau said that it's a mentality and when people give you one, you'll be happy because drama people always receive flowers. Funny as it is but it's difficult to disagree that it's just a mentality that people have. Girls like flowers because it is stereotypical? Perhaps, that could be a good answer but it just lacks depth when we conclude everything and push the blame to "typical actions". Alvis said it is a symbol. I kinda agree on some level because flowers do carry meanings. Rose can be a symbol of love but is also a symbol of confidentiality of which, the meanings come from its origins. Therefore, we can deny that flowers are symbols which can arouse happy feelings amongst girls. I tried googling it and one of the better answer i found was that flowers are good "i am thinking of you" gifts. See, it is still a symbol afterall.
But eventually, as we look deeper, what exactly is our (girls') need for flowers? The best answer I can asnwer myself now is that, it is in the innate nature of girls to want to receive flowers.
What do you think?
The latter may be an easier question to answer: Guys find flowers impractical and a waste of money because flowers can only last for a few days. Yes, flowers are indeed short-lived and they have no use at all. Guys would say that they'd rather spend the money on something more useful than flowers such as bags and food. But, I kept questioning if this stereotypical type of thinking is actually a valid reason and came to realize that it is very much, an excuse. No one said the flowers have to be real flowers. Fake flowers can be a very pleasant surprise to girls as well. AND, it can last for a very very long time. Then, have you thought of something more creative like... folding paper flowers? I remember receiving a box of paper flowers during Valentine's Day and it can be very satisfying as well. So... how is claiming the impracticality of flowers a valid reason for the unwillingness to purchase flowers for girls?
This leads to the former where we question why do majority of females like flowers? I must say that after asking for quite alot of opinions tonight, I didn't get an answer that convinced me. Laura said because giving flowers is a very sweet gesture. Well... I guess the pretty appearance of flowers make them look sweet? But How is getting a bag not as sweet as getting a flower? Pau said that it's a mentality and when people give you one, you'll be happy because drama people always receive flowers. Funny as it is but it's difficult to disagree that it's just a mentality that people have. Girls like flowers because it is stereotypical? Perhaps, that could be a good answer but it just lacks depth when we conclude everything and push the blame to "typical actions". Alvis said it is a symbol. I kinda agree on some level because flowers do carry meanings. Rose can be a symbol of love but is also a symbol of confidentiality of which, the meanings come from its origins. Therefore, we can deny that flowers are symbols which can arouse happy feelings amongst girls. I tried googling it and one of the better answer i found was that flowers are good "i am thinking of you" gifts. See, it is still a symbol afterall.
But eventually, as we look deeper, what exactly is our (girls') need for flowers? The best answer I can asnwer myself now is that, it is in the innate nature of girls to want to receive flowers.
What do you think?
Thursday, May 17, 2012
Que Sera Sera
Good things are really worth waiting for.... Instantly went into the SMU ISIS portal to check before running into my parents room to tell them. Sent a copy of it to Sam and wl! told Alvis and Melissa thru whatsapp as well. Lastly, I called shao jun to ask her if she'd gotten it too. Helped her check and yay! she got in too!. happy max.
Now researching on Australia airfares and although my eyes are closing, I am really happy. You know, perhaps i was destined to join NYJC through DSA, being tied down by CCA leading to my bad results which caused me to retained, build up my foundation in following year, getting average A level results eventually and finally, reaching the end point. With my results, I probably just scrapped through the borderline for all the courses I applied for BUT, I made it. And I am really glad to say that I MADE IT TO UNI, not one but 4. Heck those who condemn me, said I couldn't make it or that I would be better off in a poly.
Ms Liang tried to comfort me abit in mid-april when everyone else had gotten acceptance letters but i didnt. She emphasized that "What's yours will be yours" and I really agree with it. Despite submitting my SMU application way earlier, before my NUS and NTU one, the wait was very long. With just 2 weeks before closing of round 1, I thought I had no chance already and was kinda settled for NUS. BUT, it came. Talk about right timing. I truely believe now in "Que Sera Sera" - Whatever will be, will be.
Thank you to everyone who helped me. =D
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
It's over.... Trust
Today was really hectic all day round. started with clearing emails and doing shortlisting. Teaching huiyi along the way. Towards the end of the day was even more busy. chionging everything like mad. wl and i switch seats and tasks. lol. Helped her experiment her charts while she helped me print my app forms. it was quite funny since the chart she plotted was fat while mine was slim....
Left office at 645pm with her and train-ed together. she exited the train at eunos when my mum called to ask me to eat something at eunos and go cdc myself... literally jumped out of the train. Looked for wl and she was really nice to accompany me to find some food to eat... Had the tau huey which may said was good. thought it was so-so only. took about 20mins to eat the tau huey while talking to her...
bus-ed to cdc. reached ard 830pm and i was so worried that i wont be able to book my driving tests! luckily the queue moved quite fast and i managed to book and get to my car on time... parallel parking today and it was fun! my instructor was a really chatty guy.. we talked alot while he taught and guided me to do parallel parking! i like him as an instructor man. but the car was quite bad. there wasn't cushion and i was rather short ( as usual) for the old car.... the steering wheel was really heavy but i guess just some arm exercises for me! haha.
Dad came to fetch me home. Showered and ate dinner at 11pm! oh well, good food are worth waiting for. hehehe.
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Today I showed wl my tumblr over lunch. It was really, a place where I concealed my thoughts during my most down periods last year and the special feelings for those few people which seems like it never went away. Honestly, I couldn't remb exactly what did i wrote about but roughly had an idea. Showing it to her was just as though i opened this little space of mine to some form of intrusion(which was the main reason why only A had access to it: i just wanted to protect my own thoughts). BUT, I didn't feel regretful or unhappy opening up and reading that own space myself. Afterall, She gave me her trust in telling me her thoughts, which in turn, gave me much more confidence to trust her with mine as well.
It's over, for the longest time already. I have braced through the obstacles and conquered A levels. I have led the most exciting adolescent period of my life in just NYJC. All that I have been through, it's long gone and remains as history in me.
I liked him. But i wasn't worth the wait. I came to realized that it's time to let go. He's been attached for 2 years now and our memories are history. It's time to move on. And I am glad that I came to a conclusion within myself that I have and will meet better people in my life who will in one point in time, change me for the greater good.
A levels was the toughest academic journey in my life but i have no regrets doing it. I have accomplished so much more and grown going through it. I have met people whose encouragements and help i couldn't have done without. Silin, pau, bella, ah ting, wip, kimmie. I conquered my lousiest subjects with tutors who never gave up on me. Ms V in lit and Ms Liang in maths. I'll probably never forget 11/11/11 and the times where ms liang dedicated all her time to us. I made it and am really proud of it.
So.... opening up the tumblr wasn't any form of harm to me afterall ( as i thought it would initially). I have gotten so much more affirmation and confidence in myself. Those emo times, it's over and I am moving to better times. Its those memories that pushes me to be more resilient and stronger.
And I am thankful that wl constantly pushes me to know myself better and learn so much more things about life, although not on purpose but more of indirectly. Really can't express how glad I am to know her. Looking forward to the remaining few weeks left. =D
Left office at 645pm with her and train-ed together. she exited the train at eunos when my mum called to ask me to eat something at eunos and go cdc myself... literally jumped out of the train. Looked for wl and she was really nice to accompany me to find some food to eat... Had the tau huey which may said was good. thought it was so-so only. took about 20mins to eat the tau huey while talking to her...
bus-ed to cdc. reached ard 830pm and i was so worried that i wont be able to book my driving tests! luckily the queue moved quite fast and i managed to book and get to my car on time... parallel parking today and it was fun! my instructor was a really chatty guy.. we talked alot while he taught and guided me to do parallel parking! i like him as an instructor man. but the car was quite bad. there wasn't cushion and i was rather short ( as usual) for the old car.... the steering wheel was really heavy but i guess just some arm exercises for me! haha.
Dad came to fetch me home. Showered and ate dinner at 11pm! oh well, good food are worth waiting for. hehehe.
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Today I showed wl my tumblr over lunch. It was really, a place where I concealed my thoughts during my most down periods last year and the special feelings for those few people which seems like it never went away. Honestly, I couldn't remb exactly what did i wrote about but roughly had an idea. Showing it to her was just as though i opened this little space of mine to some form of intrusion(which was the main reason why only A had access to it: i just wanted to protect my own thoughts). BUT, I didn't feel regretful or unhappy opening up and reading that own space myself. Afterall, She gave me her trust in telling me her thoughts, which in turn, gave me much more confidence to trust her with mine as well.
It's over, for the longest time already. I have braced through the obstacles and conquered A levels. I have led the most exciting adolescent period of my life in just NYJC. All that I have been through, it's long gone and remains as history in me.
I liked him. But i wasn't worth the wait. I came to realized that it's time to let go. He's been attached for 2 years now and our memories are history. It's time to move on. And I am glad that I came to a conclusion within myself that I have and will meet better people in my life who will in one point in time, change me for the greater good.
A levels was the toughest academic journey in my life but i have no regrets doing it. I have accomplished so much more and grown going through it. I have met people whose encouragements and help i couldn't have done without. Silin, pau, bella, ah ting, wip, kimmie. I conquered my lousiest subjects with tutors who never gave up on me. Ms V in lit and Ms Liang in maths. I'll probably never forget 11/11/11 and the times where ms liang dedicated all her time to us. I made it and am really proud of it.
So.... opening up the tumblr wasn't any form of harm to me afterall ( as i thought it would initially). I have gotten so much more affirmation and confidence in myself. Those emo times, it's over and I am moving to better times. Its those memories that pushes me to be more resilient and stronger.
And I am thankful that wl constantly pushes me to know myself better and learn so much more things about life, although not on purpose but more of indirectly. Really can't express how glad I am to know her. Looking forward to the remaining few weeks left. =D
Monday, May 14, 2012
Thousand Years
After hearing it at Jayesslee concert with Alvis two weeks back, I heard this song twice in the salon today. May and hui yi were talking about it on friday too. I find this song really meaningful. Love it. =D
"I've loved you for a thousand years, I'll love you for a thousand more"
Epiphany
Recently, I am starting to know more about wl.. I always thought she was closer to others but, came to realized it wasn't that true. She kinda opened up more about her own life to me nowadays and I feel glad that I have the chance to understand her more.
Honestly, this week with her was full of surprises. I got to know more and more about her which at different instances, I was shocked, surprised, happy and curious and sometimes, emotional. I am learning more from her as I discover her inner world.
There are alot of things which i can't explicitly blog about because I want to protect her privacy but yet, there are so much things that i have a thought to. I can only say I am thankful to be able to get to know her, and get to know her better. Although i do question some things she tell me (in my own mind), i find that I actually come to a better understanding and answer of life which every curiousity aroused. Perhaps, that's the thing they say about experiences come along with age.
I really appreciate that she is willing to share her own life with me. I've been learning so much more each day. Knowing her was one of the best thing that happened in 2012.
On a side note, at some point in time this week, i had an epiphany: "两个人在一起不需要宣告全世界，不需承认是情侣，彼此只要知道对方的心意，就可以很满足，很满足了。。。"
Honestly, this week with her was full of surprises. I got to know more and more about her which at different instances, I was shocked, surprised, happy and curious and sometimes, emotional. I am learning more from her as I discover her inner world.
There are alot of things which i can't explicitly blog about because I want to protect her privacy but yet, there are so much things that i have a thought to. I can only say I am thankful to be able to get to know her, and get to know her better. Although i do question some things she tell me (in my own mind), i find that I actually come to a better understanding and answer of life which every curiousity aroused. Perhaps, that's the thing they say about experiences come along with age.
I really appreciate that she is willing to share her own life with me. I've been learning so much more each day. Knowing her was one of the best thing that happened in 2012.
On a side note, at some point in time this week, i had an epiphany: "两个人在一起不需要宣告全世界，不需承认是情侣，彼此只要知道对方的心意，就可以很满足，很满足了。。。"
Sunday, May 13, 2012
Work and Play
Gonna blog about the past 5 days at work...
Mon was going to 5th floor MESRC for lunch with wai lin. While sam arrived at hkg, i was already eating hkg style noodles for lunch. Bought durian puffs with may too. had a rather long chat/slacking session at the lounge after we finished. the sofa too comfy alr. wanted to nap but i enjoyed chatting with wai lin more. I got to know more of her inner thoughts which i thought was nice... Driving at night was okay. Evaluation passed thankfully! The instructor wanted to fail me but he said he felt i was a good driver so passed me!
Tuesday was virina's birthday! nothing much at work i guess. just that while i was having dinner.... wailin called me and i didnt pick it up. she needed help with some email tech issues but i didnt see... luckily after that okay alr. chatted with her on the phone while on the way to cdc for final e-trial test.... i did 12 tests in 50 mins! hahaha.
Wednesday in office was quiet! HREs and Managers were out for HR Summit. Malini bought brunch for wai lin and i. Spent the morning clearing emails plus one of the stationary cupboard... went to market to have a drink cos i was super full. wailin was having a headache so we headed back to the office for nap time. afternoon was purely slacking. finished my e-trial for FTT. wai lin and I ended up clearing the boxes under her desks and I influenced her to clean up her desk with wet tissues. basically it was like a da sao chu!
Thursday was half day since i had FTT tests in the afternoon. started by teaching the nerw TC all the things she required to know and reading my FTT stuff. Wai lin brought the new TC out to holland v for lunch! hmpf! jealous much. I left at 1245 when my dad came to fetch me for lunch at tiong bahru market. Passed FTT in 10 mins.... lol. taxi-ed to parkway to settle my long-lost token before dad came to fetch me home. napped for 45 mins, showered and dad dropped me at bedok mrt. Train-ed to bugis to meet yiusi. Started our shopping before reg and yating came! Dinner was at ajisen ramen. we actually sat down in sakae sushi but went out after looking at the menu. Bought 3 dresses, 2 from bugis street 1 from KissJane in bugis junction. Loved the kissjane one!! my favorite of all time! Home-d at 1030pm!
Friday was alittle more busy as everyone was back in office. taught the TC some new things. her mistakes were really cute! May decided we should head to fusionpolis for lunch! good lunch i must say. hahaha. 6pm, i made malini stayed on to help archive emails. feel so bad.. cleared up and waited to wailin for awhile before walking to mrt together! the whole week i have been hijacking her phone to play scramble with her friend. haha. Napped abit after dinner before heading to I12 to watch Dark Shadows with brother. homed about 1230am!
Saturday was heading to FASS with shaojun! Dad fetched me to dover mrt. We went to explore the place for awhile before i waited at the mrt for sj. took shuttle bus to the open house and spend quite some time there. I am quite fascinated by some majors that i never thought i'll be interested/take it. Am super interested in philosophy now. it suits my character and personality i think... anw, we headed to bugis to meet yiusi and sam! it was kinda awkward at first but eventually, they became good friends! continued shopping at somerset with my qin ai de yiusi while sj and sam left. I bought a dress and a top at bugis st and 2 tops from h&m! quite happy with the h&m buys. headed back to bugis with qin ai de to change her shorts before i went to fu lu shou complex to see chinese doc. did acupuncture but i was short of $2! luckily annie was kind enough to let me owe her! homed for some good western food!
Sunday was breakfast before heading to driving lesson. not bad lesson today! jordan came to help with the garden and i only served them spaghetti. headed to piano lesson and went to cut my hair! a new change i must say. I like it quite alot! shall leave it for surprise tmr. pictures will be up soon!
That's about my week thus far...
Mon was going to 5th floor MESRC for lunch with wai lin. While sam arrived at hkg, i was already eating hkg style noodles for lunch. Bought durian puffs with may too. had a rather long chat/slacking session at the lounge after we finished. the sofa too comfy alr. wanted to nap but i enjoyed chatting with wai lin more. I got to know more of her inner thoughts which i thought was nice... Driving at night was okay. Evaluation passed thankfully! The instructor wanted to fail me but he said he felt i was a good driver so passed me!
Tuesday was virina's birthday! nothing much at work i guess. just that while i was having dinner.... wailin called me and i didnt pick it up. she needed help with some email tech issues but i didnt see... luckily after that okay alr. chatted with her on the phone while on the way to cdc for final e-trial test.... i did 12 tests in 50 mins! hahaha.
Wednesday in office was quiet! HREs and Managers were out for HR Summit. Malini bought brunch for wai lin and i. Spent the morning clearing emails plus one of the stationary cupboard... went to market to have a drink cos i was super full. wailin was having a headache so we headed back to the office for nap time. afternoon was purely slacking. finished my e-trial for FTT. wai lin and I ended up clearing the boxes under her desks and I influenced her to clean up her desk with wet tissues. basically it was like a da sao chu!
Thursday was half day since i had FTT tests in the afternoon. started by teaching the nerw TC all the things she required to know and reading my FTT stuff. Wai lin brought the new TC out to holland v for lunch! hmpf! jealous much. I left at 1245 when my dad came to fetch me for lunch at tiong bahru market. Passed FTT in 10 mins.... lol. taxi-ed to parkway to settle my long-lost token before dad came to fetch me home. napped for 45 mins, showered and dad dropped me at bedok mrt. Train-ed to bugis to meet yiusi. Started our shopping before reg and yating came! Dinner was at ajisen ramen. we actually sat down in sakae sushi but went out after looking at the menu. Bought 3 dresses, 2 from bugis street 1 from KissJane in bugis junction. Loved the kissjane one!! my favorite of all time! Home-d at 1030pm!
Friday was alittle more busy as everyone was back in office. taught the TC some new things. her mistakes were really cute! May decided we should head to fusionpolis for lunch! good lunch i must say. hahaha. 6pm, i made malini stayed on to help archive emails. feel so bad.. cleared up and waited to wailin for awhile before walking to mrt together! the whole week i have been hijacking her phone to play scramble with her friend. haha. Napped abit after dinner before heading to I12 to watch Dark Shadows with brother. homed about 1230am!
Saturday was heading to FASS with shaojun! Dad fetched me to dover mrt. We went to explore the place for awhile before i waited at the mrt for sj. took shuttle bus to the open house and spend quite some time there. I am quite fascinated by some majors that i never thought i'll be interested/take it. Am super interested in philosophy now. it suits my character and personality i think... anw, we headed to bugis to meet yiusi and sam! it was kinda awkward at first but eventually, they became good friends! continued shopping at somerset with my qin ai de yiusi while sj and sam left. I bought a dress and a top at bugis st and 2 tops from h&m! quite happy with the h&m buys. headed back to bugis with qin ai de to change her shorts before i went to fu lu shou complex to see chinese doc. did acupuncture but i was short of $2! luckily annie was kind enough to let me owe her! homed for some good western food!
Sunday was breakfast before heading to driving lesson. not bad lesson today! jordan came to help with the garden and i only served them spaghetti. headed to piano lesson and went to cut my hair! a new change i must say. I like it quite alot! shall leave it for surprise tmr. pictures will be up soon!
That's about my week thus far...
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
Ms Yanggggggg
Last day of April...
Just before we step into may, some incidents happened today.. Shall not elaborate too much. but can just say, everything's accumulative. Broke down probably because of the stress from Jeanette's leaving, rushing for NYCO's concert and the fact that reality is just like this: people assume you know everything and not everyone's just as cooperative as you thought it will be like.
Morning was still alright though I would have hoped that I'm actually being more updated about the assistance I am required to give. Interview was pretty slack though there were 2 on-going concurrently. Lunch was probably the only time I felt safe within me. Thought all the emo-times were just part and parcel of school life; didn't expect that working could actually arouse such feelings again. Had this urge to just escape. Didn't want lunch break to end: didn't want to go back after a meal at the market, didn't want to go back and nap despite all the tiredness I've been complaining all morning - I just wanted to sit there in the canteen. Sounds familiar like how I wished I could sit in one corner of NYJC and just do my own things huh?
Chat with ms yang was good I must say; she made me felt comfortable above everything else. She's one person I wouldn't be able to survive with in the office. Kinda touched alittle about life cos I was being emo as usual. So, life is just about studying for 12 years, earning a degree to get a job, getting back to studying at higher levels just to get higher jobs and we just die after that. Pretty sad isn't it? When we were younger, we dream, we soar for greater heights. As we grow, all dreams vanish and what's left of it is just a plain cycle. I used to believe I wanna be a lawyer or an actress and a part-time wedding photographer when I grow up. But recently when Alvis asked me to tell him about my dream, I had nothing in mind. Maybe, just maybe, I might find the courage to pursue my own dreams one day.
Chatting about random facts and matters about life amuses me. Because many people live a life, but little question the meaning of living. Perhaps, being a (forced) literature student made me into a person who questions about about our existence, about my existence. But despite everything, I simply love chatting with ms yang because I have nothing to tie me down when we talk.
Honestly, I've learnt so much more in life than in school from her. Afterall, we live not just to study, right? She showed me the smallest fact that the term "young at heart" actually exists, and that age and background doesn't matter in the pursuit of friendship. I used to believe people who said all this were just living in their own fairytale, but no, it exists, it really does. And at least, she has an idea of what she wanna do in life. Giving herself one year before deciding on further embarkments, I can just say, I am pretty much a loser cos I have no idea what I wanna do in life now. And one thing I will have to learn from her is that going out alone is not a bad thing all in all. In terms of educational background, I have never had friends who have differing educational status as me. And i can firmly say that ms yanggg makes a better friend (and colleague) than many of my other friends who claim themselves to be more superior because they are "smarter" in terms of singapore's educational system. Perhaps, express students are just too snobbish afterall, no doubt about that. Everyone's just too judgemental.
Well, I would have say I was pretty emotional since I nearly cried at the interview centre and whenever J come over to me and ask if I am okay. I tried my best to cover my unstable emotions (which I am well aware of), I refrained from talking whenever possible and I tried not to do anything else except clearing emails. I attempted to not think of anything and not to look anyone in the eye. I just wanted to be anti-social and alone for the remaining afternoon.
I would have continued sitting there trying with all my abilities to finish any work left undone if not for ms yang who asked if I wanted to leave. I thought if I were to continue sitting there, I'll probably get some form of depression by the time i left the place... so... I relented to leaving at 630pm.
Anti-social mode was kinda still on when I left but I can tell you, hanging out with ms yanggg switches off everything. Maybe there is just something in her that makes me smile everytime i talk to her. And the fact that she's pretty funny doesn't helps at all. I would say I felt much much much much (aiya you get the point) better when I talked to her. even for that short 20 mins? Aiya, I really don't know how to explain that feeling la... ( eh don't think wrongly. not ai mei feeling) it's just very nice and calming to talk to her.. Feel really relaxed after that. She's just the one and only person who saw/know of my 'evil' side: my attitude ( yes I have a bad attitude, just that usually i just ignore all negativities), my temper and how i can bear grudges and complains for a long time.
I admit I have a damn bad temper; try annoying me and I'll give you the most idiotic attitude back. I have no qualms on scolding people (for those who know me very well) but in recent years, i relented to being more sunshine. Kinda figured out life's too short to be forever angsty and decided to just stay happy-go-lucky most of the time. BUT, i do have spikes once in a while and I guess that's pretty normal, since I am human too. I can bear grudges for a long time but i usually forget after a while too. So... sorry to those who I have bear some grudge against.
Received a call from M while waiting for parents at bedok. It's quite obvious what she was gonna ask when I saw her name on my phone. And so yes, I was feeling very much better than in the office alr so I had a usual chatty convo with her ( with me disturbing her most of the time). I just didn't want her to get worried. Feel kinda bad that I indirectly implied that she's the least important exec there but she herself agreed to the point cos she is BLUR, no doubts about that. She's just another person I can tell almost everything to (i have some reservations still though), and I always like to complain to her. haha. but yes, It was not too bad talking to her and it was really nice of her to call and check on me. Blur as she is, but she's really nice.
I was really thankful to have Alvis on whatsapp with me. With my dearests all busy and abroad, I couldn't have complain to any one of them when I exploded. How I wish my babe sam could be whatsapping me but she's in taiwan. And there's qin ai de yiusi who's having exams. But luckily, there was someone outside office I could still 'talk' to. He really read all my angsty messages and reply them promptly ( even more prompt than my messages) and gave me alot of consolations. Thankyou Alvis. =D
Lastly, I really really wanna say thanks to ms yanggggg. All these times in the office, I couldn't survive without you ( talking to you, joking and disturbing you, playing with the soft toys available, having lunch and the list goes on and on). I was just thinking if i should stay till end june instead of my planned end may and you were just partially right. I am considering to stay for malini yes, but not just her, but because I know I'll always have good company in the office with you around. Sorry for all the times I distracted you from work and yes you can always intro your NSF to me. =D
Just before we step into may, some incidents happened today.. Shall not elaborate too much. but can just say, everything's accumulative. Broke down probably because of the stress from Jeanette's leaving, rushing for NYCO's concert and the fact that reality is just like this: people assume you know everything and not everyone's just as cooperative as you thought it will be like.
Morning was still alright though I would have hoped that I'm actually being more updated about the assistance I am required to give. Interview was pretty slack though there were 2 on-going concurrently. Lunch was probably the only time I felt safe within me. Thought all the emo-times were just part and parcel of school life; didn't expect that working could actually arouse such feelings again. Had this urge to just escape. Didn't want lunch break to end: didn't want to go back after a meal at the market, didn't want to go back and nap despite all the tiredness I've been complaining all morning - I just wanted to sit there in the canteen. Sounds familiar like how I wished I could sit in one corner of NYJC and just do my own things huh?
Chat with ms yang was good I must say; she made me felt comfortable above everything else. She's one person I wouldn't be able to survive with in the office. Kinda touched alittle about life cos I was being emo as usual. So, life is just about studying for 12 years, earning a degree to get a job, getting back to studying at higher levels just to get higher jobs and we just die after that. Pretty sad isn't it? When we were younger, we dream, we soar for greater heights. As we grow, all dreams vanish and what's left of it is just a plain cycle. I used to believe I wanna be a lawyer or an actress and a part-time wedding photographer when I grow up. But recently when Alvis asked me to tell him about my dream, I had nothing in mind. Maybe, just maybe, I might find the courage to pursue my own dreams one day.
Chatting about random facts and matters about life amuses me. Because many people live a life, but little question the meaning of living. Perhaps, being a (forced) literature student made me into a person who questions about about our existence, about my existence. But despite everything, I simply love chatting with ms yang because I have nothing to tie me down when we talk.
Honestly, I've learnt so much more in life than in school from her. Afterall, we live not just to study, right? She showed me the smallest fact that the term "young at heart" actually exists, and that age and background doesn't matter in the pursuit of friendship. I used to believe people who said all this were just living in their own fairytale, but no, it exists, it really does. And at least, she has an idea of what she wanna do in life. Giving herself one year before deciding on further embarkments, I can just say, I am pretty much a loser cos I have no idea what I wanna do in life now. And one thing I will have to learn from her is that going out alone is not a bad thing all in all. In terms of educational background, I have never had friends who have differing educational status as me. And i can firmly say that ms yanggg makes a better friend (and colleague) than many of my other friends who claim themselves to be more superior because they are "smarter" in terms of singapore's educational system. Perhaps, express students are just too snobbish afterall, no doubt about that. Everyone's just too judgemental.
Well, I would have say I was pretty emotional since I nearly cried at the interview centre and whenever J come over to me and ask if I am okay. I tried my best to cover my unstable emotions (which I am well aware of), I refrained from talking whenever possible and I tried not to do anything else except clearing emails. I attempted to not think of anything and not to look anyone in the eye. I just wanted to be anti-social and alone for the remaining afternoon.
I would have continued sitting there trying with all my abilities to finish any work left undone if not for ms yang who asked if I wanted to leave. I thought if I were to continue sitting there, I'll probably get some form of depression by the time i left the place... so... I relented to leaving at 630pm.
Anti-social mode was kinda still on when I left but I can tell you, hanging out with ms yanggg switches off everything. Maybe there is just something in her that makes me smile everytime i talk to her. And the fact that she's pretty funny doesn't helps at all. I would say I felt much much much much (aiya you get the point) better when I talked to her. even for that short 20 mins? Aiya, I really don't know how to explain that feeling la... ( eh don't think wrongly. not ai mei feeling) it's just very nice and calming to talk to her.. Feel really relaxed after that. She's just the one and only person who saw/know of my 'evil' side: my attitude ( yes I have a bad attitude, just that usually i just ignore all negativities), my temper and how i can bear grudges and complains for a long time.
I admit I have a damn bad temper; try annoying me and I'll give you the most idiotic attitude back. I have no qualms on scolding people (for those who know me very well) but in recent years, i relented to being more sunshine. Kinda figured out life's too short to be forever angsty and decided to just stay happy-go-lucky most of the time. BUT, i do have spikes once in a while and I guess that's pretty normal, since I am human too. I can bear grudges for a long time but i usually forget after a while too. So... sorry to those who I have bear some grudge against.
Received a call from M while waiting for parents at bedok. It's quite obvious what she was gonna ask when I saw her name on my phone. And so yes, I was feeling very much better than in the office alr so I had a usual chatty convo with her ( with me disturbing her most of the time). I just didn't want her to get worried. Feel kinda bad that I indirectly implied that she's the least important exec there but she herself agreed to the point cos she is BLUR, no doubts about that. She's just another person I can tell almost everything to (i have some reservations still though), and I always like to complain to her. haha. but yes, It was not too bad talking to her and it was really nice of her to call and check on me. Blur as she is, but she's really nice.
I was really thankful to have Alvis on whatsapp with me. With my dearests all busy and abroad, I couldn't have complain to any one of them when I exploded. How I wish my babe sam could be whatsapping me but she's in taiwan. And there's qin ai de yiusi who's having exams. But luckily, there was someone outside office I could still 'talk' to. He really read all my angsty messages and reply them promptly ( even more prompt than my messages) and gave me alot of consolations. Thankyou Alvis. =D
Lastly, I really really wanna say thanks to ms yanggggg. All these times in the office, I couldn't survive without you ( talking to you, joking and disturbing you, playing with the soft toys available, having lunch and the list goes on and on). I was just thinking if i should stay till end june instead of my planned end may and you were just partially right. I am considering to stay for malini yes, but not just her, but because I know I'll always have good company in the office with you around. Sorry for all the times I distracted you from work and yes you can always intro your NSF to me. =D
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